Rumor Archives

Most recent rumors are on the top.

Recent Rumors

Variday, Callem 29, 1018

ALEXANDRIAN TRIBUNE (Issue IX)

Fashion and Culture

A Series of Interviews of Alexandrian Culture

I, Nilou Farsens Scribbetter of the Alexandrian Tribune, have been tasked with a series of interviews about life here in Alexandria and the cultures that compose it! The City is one of the melting pots of the world, and I am attempting to capture its mixture in words.

Interviews, V -- Esmaudalein of the Gnomes Today, I am interviewing Esmaudalein, an active and gnomish member of our local theatre community! Esmaudalein is noted for her interesting performances, or unique as described by some--and was able to take time our from her schedule to meet with us. In it you will find descriptions of Selentia, the land of a thousand princes!

Nilou: Thank you for coming, and helping us with this project.

Esmaudalein: Darling, I'm more than happy to help out. Publicity, sweetie, that's the name of the game.

Nilou: Oh, of course. Now, as you know we're focusing on culture and what makes Alexandria a melting pot! We're quite unique in the world. Where is it you're from, ...Esmaudalein, is it? Am I pronouncing that right?

Esmaudalein: Call me /Esme/, darling. I am from /Selentia/, the Land of Princesses. Not, as according to popular rumour, Rosalia. No, mine is that beautiful land of salons, wine and luxe.

Nilou: Ah! I may have heard that rumor, now that I think on it. Oh, such things float about in a city like this one. Now, Selentia...the land of a thousand princes, I've heard it called! Do tell our readers a bit about it, if you would?

Esmaudalein: A thousand princes, but alas, none right for me. Perhaps save the Bard....It is a pleasant land, full of great manor houses and beautiful splendour. Where the poor daughter of a woodsman may meet her prince. Salons of exquisite intellect and bohemian delights. Wonderful balls---oh! for my own debutant ball to be replayed a thousand times would not be enough.

Nilou: Ooh, the manors are legendary. ...do you mind? Could you picture--oh, one of your favorites, and describe it? Let's bring it to life for our readers! And which bard?

Esmaudalein: <here, Esme becomes upset that I do not know who she is speaking of--and when I hear the name, I quite understand!> The Bard??! Surely a man of letters such as yourself knows of the great playwright, that muse of all thespians and poets, the great Gaudarne?

Now, the manors---oh, my! My favourite, the Durretti House, by the sea. Four fine wings surrounding a courtyard of such exquisite beauty that you would /die/ to be allowed within." Almost a visible swoon. "Fountains of liquid grace, and meticulously hand-picked pebble paths. Hundreds of cats preening and being groomed... Expansive grounds, with such fabulous formal gardens as you would not believe. Plants from all over Ea, raised from seed by skilled druids. And the towers---my, imagine ascending to the eighth or ninth floor on those fine marble steps, to be greeted with the gilded walls, the rosewood floors, the thick sheepskin rugs, the tapestries, the art of a thousand generations... and with the finest company one could hope for. Princes, princesses, assassins, diplomats, spies, dukes, barons, generals, artists, actors, writers, merchants---and me, the daughter of a simple woodcutter, invited to the salon in the west tower of Gaurdarne...

Editor's note: It's since come to our desks that the description Esme gave of Selentia is not quite accurate! We assume she just became carried away.

Nilou: Gaudarne! Ah! Of course. A perfect inspiration to--take inspiration from, you know. Now...But what caused you to leave all of this splendour?

Esmaudalein: The lure of the world-renowned, and most excellent, Bardic College of Alexandria. That fine institution, which can give such excellent training to actors such as myself. I was fortunate to be patronized by a wealthy merchant---with whom, I might add, and contrary to rumours, I did not share a bed, nor anything more licentious than lunch and polite conversation.

Nilou: I had scarce heard the rumors. Now--so you left Selentia and came to the College. What surprised you most about it?

Esmaudalein: The songs, dear, the songs. Oh, they'll... melt your face. Why, I know my fair share of bawdy tunes, but none quite as shocking as I heard within the walls of my dear alma mater. Yes, the songs, and the rather... <she pauses> /Loose morals./

Nilou: Oh...oh! Well...yes, I suppose some areas in the city can be known for that sort of thing. ...I'm terribly glad you've come by though, Esme! It's been a delight.

Esmaudalein: Marvelous, darling, the /pleasure/ was chiefly mine. I look forward to seeing my name in print again.

Interviews, VI -- Durrankar of the Sith-makar Here, I interview Durrankar, a steward of Mictlan! Mictlan was gifted to the sith-makar through an arrangement with our local druids. Here, we talk about sith-makar greetings, caste, and how they view the treaty! Read on for more!

Nilou: Nilou Farsens Scribbetter, Alexandrian Tribune. I'm thrilled you've agreed to help me with this project! <here I offered him a hand, which proved to be a mistake...keep reading!>

Durrankar: Durrankar, steward of Mictlan. it is nice to meet you. Interesting that you've asked for an...interview...

Nilou: I hope you think so! I imagine our readers will be so excited! You know, in the history of things, your people are so new! The sith-makar! So you are new, at least to us. I heard no one knew about you until the last...one hundred years or so?

Durrankar: That is because we did not come from the jungle of Am'Shere until then." <here, Durrankar looks at my hand> "What that....supposed to signify something? <he then tilts his head to the side, and moves his tail about>

Nilou: Oh! The crate is here because...well, we're a different height, you see. Otherwise, I might be interviewing your kneecaps, you know. <pauses> Oh! You mean to shake hands? I take it the sith-makar don't do that sort of thing, then? How do you greet one another?

Durrankar: Our normal greeting is 'Peace on your nest'. Which is like wishing no harm to take place. A nest, to the sith makar can symbolize many things. The home, the heart, your fire." Durrankar explains pointedly. "in Am'shere it is very much a battle for survival. So, protecting the 'little ones' is paramount. As they cannot defend themselves, it is up to the rest of us to defend them, teach them, how to hunt, to fight. To take, or crush an egg is not only an insult to the one who laid it, but it is an insult to the entire tribe.

Nilou: That is fascinating. You know, that reminds me. I imagine there must be a few differences in our culture, so I apologize ahead of time. Do let me know if something is offensive, or unclear. I think if we work it out, it could help our readers understand you, that is the sith-makar, better. ...Speaking of cultures, I had a question for you from one of our readers. We keep hearing the term 'cihuaa.' What is that, exactly? Could you tell me about it?

<Included here is an artist's render of a generic sith-makar demonstrating a tail-thump, with the caption: "A sith-makar greeting!">

Durrankar: First, let me explain that. <Durrankar gestures to my picture> That is a friendly greeting, before the greeting. In Am'shere, you have many stealthy predators. The 'tail thump' as you call it...is letting someone know they are there. it is loud, where there should be stealth. In essence, you are announcing your presence to someone you consider a friend. It also signifies approval of something, or that they like an idea.

Cihuaa.......it signifies 'life partner' or 'mate'. I have one myself, Un'eth. She is also of the woods. However, Life partner is more accurate, since sith'makar do 'mate' for life, the bond is much deeper, like two halves of a heart. it is not to be entered to lightly, nor is it about creating hatchlings....it is a bond like no other. You share your fire, food, warmth, and more with another.

Nilou: Is that why most of the sith-makar don't ...what is the phrase? Oh! Take cihuaa? Go cihuaa? Claim...? As you can see, it's a term we often hear, but so different!

Durrankar: Politics are meaningless in Am'shere. We fight for survival. You are either hunter....or prey. You do not want to be prey. And the term is 'take' cihuaa. It is not like 'marriage'. You are either happy with your cihuaa before you take her...or him....or you do not become a cihuaa, or take one.

Editor's note: Some research suggests it's as often political as it is personal. But, I cannot claim to have an insider's knowledge here.>

Nilou: You know...I'd heard one other thing that puzzled me. What is caste, and what does that mean? And...which caste are you? Or is that a rude question?

Durrankar: It is not rude. A caste is......something you do. And the names are self explanatory. Hunter caste tracks down and gets food for others. Warrior caste are the guardians of the tribe. The shaman caste are the teachers and the spellcasters of the tribes. And the merchant caste are the traders of the tribes. The Merchant caste are the ones that bring goods from Am'shere...I am of the shaman caste.

Nilou: The shaman caste! What does that mean? Well, to you, personally?

Durrankar: They are the guides of the tribes. They teach how to use spells, or how to bring beneficial things to your tribe. Say...you are trying to get a medicinal herb for your child, but you do not know which it is. You go to a shaman to find out which herb it is...and the shaman sends the hunter to get it. A shaman is a position where all eyes look to you for...advisor. That is what it is.

Nilou: I'm given to understand, well, you just emerged in the last 100 years. Alexandria is the first...outside nation you've made a Treaty with? What did you think when you first saw it?

Durrankar: It was a great opportunity. The sith-makar would not survive without help, and it is good to learn new things from others." <here, Durrankar thumps his tail again, a movement which I am not sure I understand; in this context it seemed to be an affirmative> If we did not venture out of Am'shere....I would not have met my cihuaa, so I'm a little biased.

Nilou: Oh! Well, we are down to the last question, now. Thank you for talking with me so far. For this one, I would like you to paint a picture. If a visitor came to Am'shere, from Alexandria--what would they see? What is the impression they would get?

Durrankar: It. Is. Hot. You could sit on a stove and be cooler than in Am'shere. Not only is it hot...it is humid. Those who are not prepared will find it difficult to breathe while there. It is a jungle. Also, until you are in the care of a tribe tribe's guards, you must be prepared to defend yourself. It is a fight for survival in Am'shere, as I have said before. If you are not ready to defend yourself, or must rest for the night, you might make preparations to make yourself less of a target. Minimizing your scent, not wearing brightly colored or easy to spot clothes, and more.

However, despite the battle for survival, Am'shere is a very beautiful and vibrant jungle. Many plants and animals are in Am'shere and some are particularly beautiful, if deadly. Some of the parrots there are very colorful.

Nilou: Thank you for taking the time. And...peace to your nest? Is there a standard goodbye?

Durrankar: May the Dragonfather's wings shelter you. <He thumps his tail> That is a normal goodbye. And for us, the Dragonfather is the platinum dragon. To you, he is known as Daeus.

Ask Great Paladin!

Q: Are knitting needles truly the secret superweapons we have always feared? And by this reason, should we all be afraid of Myrana and other, perhaps secret knitters?

A: In the hands of common folk, knitting needles are harmless. Well, as harmless as anything can be harmless. However, there are some few who can put knitting needles to deadly effect. Consider, perhaps, the fighter with the Improvised Weapon feat. Or consider the paladin who smites. And then, of course, if the knitting needles are made of exceptional materials, such as adamantium, they could theoretically be used to sunder even the mightiest of weapons. However, there is one circumstance which makes all others pale in regards to potential lethality.

In the hands of the grandmother, they are truly awesome and fearsome. They can craft clothing of such garity and embarrassment that one must unfortunately wear. For only the most terrible of people could refuse to do so for a grandmother. That they must present themselves in those horrid knitted monstrosities lest they upset the kindly old matron is a cross that must be borne. A scar on the emotional psyche that can never be healed. That this is all known before even taking that fatal step simply makes it all the worse. In short, knitting needles in the hands of a grandmother can utterly destroy one's sense of self respect and place in this world.

GREAT PALADIN STANDARD DISCLAIMER -- I cannot be held accountable for anyone creatively interpreting my answers, nor reading such things in them that I clearly would not intend. Such as illegal activities. Or racism.

Artificer's Hall Follow-Up

The Artificer's Hall is now several feet in the air. The building, once sedately located on the ground, now stands on eight metal legs, taller than a human is high. Precise reports of the event have been conflicting so far, ranging from a failed experiment to routine tests of existing manatech. Other reports suggest students from the Bardic College running amok. Whatever the source, the change now appears to be permanent.

Stoneworks' New Menu!

A longtime staple in Vadran Village, Stoneworks' Calzones is pleased to announce several new items to their menu! Alongside the fresh fare from local farmers, they are offering an additional number of traditional khazadi-styled sausages, mushrooms, and breads! Stop by for some good, filling calzones, khazad-aul style!

Gilday, Callem 24, 1018

Spideeeerrrs

A bizarre swarm of giant spiders were sighted on the high bridge earlier today.

Apparently, some merchants accidentally enlarged a group of them with a carelessly disposed of potion. They are now paying serious fines for their recklessness. Thankfully, Alexandria being Alexandria meant that there were numerous warriors in the immediate vicinity. Rumors indicate Myrana Jn'rajh was present (leading some to speculate that this was an elaborate divorce attempt), Alba, Jokul, Fazahd, Jacob, Ylerona and Shaoqing. For those that would recognize their descriptions, anyway.

Kesenday, Callem 19, 1018

Warfare in Skald

Rumors of inter-demon warfare in Skald have reached the ears of Alexandrians. It would appear that the Binder, Asumit, is having difficulty controlling his forces recently. It's more like an ongoing skirmish betweeen various power-hungry demons. Khazadi scouts are expressing concerns over the renewed warfare spreading out of Skald, but it's not like demons have been confined to those areas lately.

Eliday, Callem 14, 1018

ALEXANDRIAN TRIBUNE (Issue VIII)

Fashion and Culture

A Series of Interviews of Alexandrian Culture

I, Nilou Farsens Scribbetter of the Alexandrian Tribune, have been tasked with a series of interviews about life here in Alexandria and the cultures that compose it! The City is one of the melting pots of the world, and I am attempting to capture its mixture in words.

Interviews, III -- Yelrona of the Llyranesi

Today, I am interviewing Yelrona, of the llyranesi. She makes her living within the city proper, and comes from she explains, a small town among the llyranesi. What does a llyranesi small town look like? Let's find out!

Nilou: You know, Yelrona, until recently, we never saw much of your people! I was telling someone earlier--I'm not sure we in Alexandria have a good picture of just what your homeland is like. I'm glad you came to talk with me. Could you tell me a little about it?

Yelrona: Certainly. I guess the first thing I should explain is that I'm not from Llyranost, like most of the llyranesi you see here. I'm from a small elven settlement in the Mythwood, a few weeks travel from here... well, a few weeks travel for me, anyway. Yles Namvadin -- in Trade that would be 'Sweet Water', I suppose, it was named after a nearby spring. There's not really much to tell... it's a small settlement, maybe 30 families. The biggest institution is the Temple of Eluna, where my mother was priestess. We... well, I suppose it's like any small town, right? We were mostly concerned with our own private matters, with centuries-old family feuds and whether the apple orchard out next to the river belonged to the Diemetri family or their neighbors, the Nalion." <laughs> "It was rather dull, really."

Nilou: Oh, but it's fascinating! You know, I suspect many of us have have a few misconceptions of the llyranesi. To us--well, look at the storybooks! Great forests, huge, sweeping castles that reach into the clouds...But it isn't all like that, is it? At least, not where you grew up?

Yelrona: No, not at all. I know what you mean, of course, we tell the same stories ourselves! They are part of our history. But... well, nobody tells great epic tales about bakers and tailors and <here Yelrona laughs, indicating the two of us in the room> reporters and street performers. But if you look around, there's a lot more of us than there are heroes. Most of us don't live in castles in the sky, any more than anyone else does. <pauses> There are differences, of course. There was a lot more magic in... everything... back home. Everyone had some sort of arcane connection. And... other things.

Nilou: Oh, yes! The ties of the llyranesi to the arcane are...well, legendary, I think. Do you mind a small demonstration?

Here, Yelrona looked a bit startled, but was game.

Yelrona: Mm? Sure, I suppose. I mean, I'm not a mage or anything, but... well, for example...

<...a nearby basket of pastries rustles, and an apple tart floats through the air. Throughout the rest of the interview, Yelronw takes occasional bites from it while it hovers there.>

Nilou: Hah! Wonderful! Marvellous! So...well, that's entirely fascinating. Well...that reminds me. In the stories, I heard you have a queen, Her Majesty Aeslyn Son'Doriel, and she is part of ...house Son'Doriel? But, you came from a smaller village. Were houses a thing where you're from, and--are you part of one?

Yelrona: No. Or, well, I mean, sure, we had households and family lineages, of course, but not like the Royal Houses... that was for royalty and such. Anyway, to be honest, I probably know less about the Royal Houses of the Llyranesi than you do... it just never interested me that much.

Nilou: Was it that disinterest that...brought you to Alexandria? Or what was it, exactly? Alexandria sounds a very different place than what you were describing.

Yelrona: In part, maybe. Mostly...Well, my mother was the ranking priestess of Eluna in Yles Namvadin, as I said, and everyone just assumed that one of these centuries I would take her place. Except I... well, let's just say it wasn't for me. Eventually it just became easier to follow my own path somewhere _other_ than home. And besides, look at everything that's going on! You can't just hide out in the Mythwood and wait until it passes. And also... well, can I put in a bit of a personal pitch here?

Nilou: Oh, of course.

Yelrona: So, one reason I came to Alexandros was in the hopes of finding my father, Avourel. He, er... well, he travelled a lot, but he's been gone for over thirty years by now, which is a lot even for him, and... well, I'm hoping I can find out where he is, or, you know, what happened to him. I know he was here twenty years ago or so, and I thought maybe your readers... you know, one of them might have met him?

Nilou: We can publish a picture, to be sure. Oh! Oh. If you don't have one, why. I'll take you to one of our sketch artists, once we're done. They can reconstruct him from your memories, I imagine. I don't mind at all, and am happy to help.

Yelrona: That would be wonderful. Thank you so much!

<Two images of Yelrona's father are included here, as imagined by the Tribune's sketch artist.>

Nilou: Well, I for one am glad you came to Alexandria, you know. Perhaps we can help eachother--as Alexandrians should! Though...there is something the llyranesi have done that has a lot of us wondering. I wondered if you can shed some light on it?

Yelrona: You mean the gift of magic, I assume?

Nilou: Of course! Why give something like that up? I mean--the secrets, perhaps hundreds of spells?" the reporter says, waving a small hand. "No one knows what to think, you know. Do you have a guess?"

Yelrona: Of course! You came to the right person... I remember those strategy discussions intimately. You see... <pauses> ...I have absolutely no idea. But if I had to guess, I'd guess that it was related to, well, everything that's been going on. The demons, and Heth, and, well, everything. My people, especially those who rule, magic is in our blood. If humans knew an ally was going to be attacked, they might offer weapons or soldiers to help defend them. Dwarves might offer to build secure bulwarks. Elves? Elves offer magic. <shrugs> Either that, or we actually meant to send those secrets to our cousins in the East, and put the wrong mailing label on them. One or the other.

Nilou: Well, thank you for taking the time. It's been nice to be able to talk with one of the llyranesi, aside from the storybooks, I mean. Now, let me take you to that sketch artist.

Yelrona: Thank you!

Editor's note: Alexandrians searching for a missing person are welcome to stop by the Tribune's offices, and ask an image be published, along with pertinent information. Artists and assistance may also be found through the local Watch.

Advertisement

Marcus' Doors!

Marcus Morden's Door Emporium is here to serve all your door and gateway needs! Was your door kicked in by frightful adventurers? Worry not! Marcus' Door Emporium is here to solve your problems! We offer a full range of doors from your standard wooden door to steel gateways and portcullis! Whatever your needs, Marcus Morden's Door Emporium will serve it! We offer a full range of insurance services and warranties on your products in the event of door destruction in the face of hostile mercenaries. We guarantee you'll get your money's worth!

Fashion and Culture (Cont'd)

Interviews, IV -- Ga'Elian of the Sylvanori

Today, I am interviewing Ga'Elian, of the sylvanori. He resides in Alexandros and he says, makes a living protecting travellers. We also talk about some of the questions most puzzling to Alexandros, such as--what does the home of the sylvanori look like? And, of course, recent politics--at least from the sildanyari side of things!

Nilou: Ga'Elian, I understand you're a follower of Gilead?

Ga'Elian: Well mightest thou think so, but while the White Stag hath favored me greatly, 'tis His sister Niessa that I, and my tribe generally, revere first.

Nilou: You know, I recall he's the god of travel. I don't think I've heard of...Niessa, is it? Could you tell me a little bit about her?

Ga'Elian: Among humans, She is called 'Eluna'. She hath held sway among the Sildanyar since antiquity and the revels of the fae are normally celebrated in Her silver light. More recently, the eldritch dominions have looked to Her for the grace of inspiration.

Nilou: Oh! You know, that's fascinating. Do all sildanyari call Her that, or is it more locak, from your tribe?

Ga'Elian: Llyranesi also know Her by this name. As for the Mul'niessa, I know but little of their ways.

Nilou: Fascinating! Until recently, the llyranesi and sylvanori kept to themselves. I think the image we all have of them is from storybooks. The mysterious forest, or a shining castle surrounded by vines. Do you mind telling me a little what your home was like? I think our readers would be interested. What do you think is the first thing a visitor would be struck by?

Ga'Elian: Methinks most civilized folk might suppose we were camping. But the Faravanilas tribe moveth from place to place as the game wandereth. The Perianath is wide enough that we never go more that a hundred leagues from one place to another. The rocks and streams are our friends, and we have frequent contact with the fae and other creatures of the wild. Overall, I would guess that city-folk would be aroused by the abundant greenery and clean air, although I suppose some might be frightened by the native sounds of the wilderness.

<Image of Ga'Elian's homeland, as described to one of the Tribune's sketch artists: http://bit.ly/29rnFo6 >

Nilou: Fascinating. What brought you to Alexandria, then? It is very different.

Ga'Elian: Good question. Thou speakest aright concerning my people--that until recently, but few ventured from Llyranost. Why, even now 'tis mostly those of my generation who feel the call to reach out to the greater world. See, over the centuries, there hath been a marked decline in the rate of Sildanyari birth. In recent decades, this decline hath accelerated to alarming depths. Many believe that interacting or even interbreeding with outsiders is the only or best way to stem that decline, but 'tis fraught with controversy among the elders who geat that the cost of such actions would be to lose the very nature of what it is to be Sildanyari. I personally feel more inclined to take the elders' view on the matter but...

My own personal decision to come hither is motivated by a combination of things. Partly, beautiful as my home is, I long to see the wonders of Ea beyond the Perianath. Partly, 'tis due to the calling I received from Niessa and Mahal (or Gilead as He is called among humans). In the Faravanilas tribe, each youngling departeth upon a month-long dreamquest on the night of the first full moon following their 100th birthday. In it, one traveleth alone into the wild going withersoever the Silver Huntress shall guide, and in the process learneth Her will for his adulthood. In mine, I was inspired to range the wide lands of Ea. More recently, tidings of the daemonic infestation, breaking forth upon Ea through the gateway of Alexandria came even into the forests, so I came for to help.

Editor's note: The decline of the sildanyari is a hotly debated topic. What is known is that they began to age and die, and lost much of their power. Scholars attribute this to their loss of ties to the fae realms, while others go so far as to blame the dark gods.

Nilou: Given that we're talking about the sylvanori coming out--and your own reasons for coming here--there is a question I'm sure many have wondered about. What about the magic? Quite recently, as you know, the llyranesi gifted the city--and the world--with new spells, magic, and ideas. They did this shortly after they re-emerged. What do you think prompted it? I don't mind saying, everyone here is stumped.

Ga'Elian: I may not be the best person to ask about the Llyranesi and their gifts of magic. While my tribal elders acknowledge the Llyranesi royals as overlords, quite frankly they bear but little direct influence among the tribes of the Sylvanori. I know that anciently the druids learned some of our ancestral rituals, but the recent sharing of magics by the Llyranesi is as much a mystery to me.

Nilou: Thank you for coming by, Mr. Ga'Elian. It's been a pleasure.

Ga'Elian: Good luck, master Scribbetter.

Great Paladin Advice Column

Q: Great Paladin! Is it true that you once caused the sky to rain demons?

A: The story has changed over time. The truth of it was that it rained demon pieces.

Q: Great Paladin! What do I do if someone is eating cookies in my bed?

A: If someone eats cookies in your bed, then you lay in wait for the next time and when they start eating cookies in your bed again you burn it.

Q: Great Paladin, how many gobs could a hobgob chuck if a hobgob could chuck gobs?"

A: This is an answer I do not have. But I would pay good money to see. We would also have to define precisely what counted as a chuck. Is it more or less than a lob? How does it compare to a pitch? Or a punt? All of this should be thoroughly researched through demonstration.

Q: Great Paladin! ...are paladins also throwing weapons?

A: ...they are not. :(

GREAT PALADIN STANDARD DISCLAIMER -- I cannot be held accountable for anyone creatively interpreting my answers, nor reading such things in them that I clearly would not intend. Such as illegal activities. Or racism.

Tariday, Aestry 26, 1018

ALEXANDRIAN TRIBUNE (Issue VII)

Death of Chef Plot Cooks Up

Reporting by Arnold Benson, Alexandria Tribune

Dillen StoneSpike of the IronHammer clan past away this Eliday. A local craftsman and active member of the community, StoneSpike was perhaps best known for his participation in the anual Chili Cookoff. His son Tillbard told the Tribune "Dad loved the Cookoff. He'd spend all year working on his chili, trying to get it just right to wow the judges."

Dro'bac Irontusk, a long time rival in the cookoff, spoke at a brief memorial outside the StoneSpike home. "Dillen and I argued often, but always with respect and freindship. The world has lost a great man, and a great chef. So I will not be entering this years cookoff, but will instead be working with Tillbard to recreate his father's signature chili, that everyone can enjoy one last bowl in memory of Dillen Stonespike."

Adventurer's Guild Pranked

A DISTURBANCE AT THE ADVENTURER'S GUILD two nights hence has been widely reported throughout the city, and has been the subject of intense speculation. What is apparent is that some kind of fracas took place, with guildsmen caught in the middle.

A spokesman for the Guild stated today that the clean-up operation has been a complete success, and that the business of the Guild has returned to normal. Damping down wild rumour, the spokesman reported that, contrary to popular belief, the events were unrelated to recent demonic activities in the city.

A watchman stated later that the incident is likely to have been a prank involving students at the Bardic College and members of the Society of Progressive Arcanists. Both organisations declined to comment, with the College stating only that it was not responsible for the actions of the student body.

The city watch are appealing for further witnesses to come forward.

A New Kind of Gardening

Lower Alexandria was the site of yet another demonic eruption Tariday evening as an infernal creature caused havoc. Witnesses report the creature's appearance in the Market District, destroying seven stalls before heading south towards the city hospital.

"It was a right monster, it was!" said Louis Cooper, owner of one of the destroyed stalls. "Just came out of nowhere, belching fire, smashing things to pieces with that blade of 'is!" Several witnesses reported a black-glowing blade and leathery wings on the creature, though reports conflict. Exact casualty counts are still unknown, but are estimated at a dozen or more. A guard official speaking off the record suggested that the number would have been far higher had the populace not fled sensibly.

The demon was dispatched shortly after its arrival in the Garden District by several hospital guards and clerics. Although no further information about the demon's origins was available, several witnesses did report seeing two elves fleeing the Garden just before the battle broke out... one of whom was described as a Dark Elf wearing a large feathered hat.

OOC: See Demon in the Garden for details.

The Ballad of Ga'Elian

The staff here at the Tribune has been informed of a new song making the rounds at the Bardic College entitled "The Ballad of Ga'Elian, Ettin-Slayer." We reproduce it here without further editorial comment.

Now a farmer needs assistance,

So approaching from the distance

Three elves and a child of giants near the farm.

Sunblade Sorscha, sword of morn,

Mighty Kailin, giant-born,

Quick Yelrona and Ga'Elian the wild.

Though the day is bright and clear

They see no sign as they draw near

Of any threat that has this farmer's crops defiled,

And yet the crops are disappearing

As the four of them are nearing.

Soon enough they see what means to do them harm.

Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes,

They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses,

And what's with all the carrots?

What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?

Bunnies!

Bunnies, they're giant bunnies!

The buck-toothed beasts soon face defeat,

And, having saved the farmer's wheat,

Our heroes pause to heal and offer thankful prayer,

But they soon have cause to learn

A giant hare's owner, in turn,

May be itself a giant: in this case an ettin.

For this fight they're unprepared,

And perhaps a little scared,

Holding firm but still they're nervously a-sweatin'

When a pair of arrows' flight

Ends the unexpected fight,

And the wild elf earns the title Ettin-Slayer!

Bunnies!

Bunnies!

Bunnies, they're giant bunnies!

Or maybe ettins?

For more info, see http://tenebraemush.net/index.php/PRP:_Hare_We_Go

Great Paladin Advice Column

Q: GREAT PALADIN! If a parent yells at a child, is it good to leave spiders in the parent's pillows, every night for a week?

A: Spiders are unacceptable. They serve a great purpose in controlling the bug population. To sacrifice them to head squishing on the pillows of parents would lead to an uncontrolled population boom for other gross and disgusting creatures. I suggest, instead, lining the inside of their pillow cases with honey.

Q: But what about snakes?

A: Snakes would be acceptable. The parents wo

News Archives for Previous Arcs